Doing You So Much Good
A brief reflection on my anxious thoughts.
“You have met with the story of one of our kings (if I mistake not) who wanted to send a nobleman abroad as his ambassador, and he desired to be excused on account of some affairs which required his presence at home: the king answered, ‘Do take care of my business and I will take care of yours.’ I would have you think the Lord says thus to you…
Watch in all things; endure afflictions; do the work of an evangelist; make full proof of your ministry and when other thoughts rise in your mind (for you have no door to shut them quite out), run with them to the throne of grace and commit them to the Lord. Satan will perhaps try to force them upon you unseasonably and inordinately; but if he sees they drive you to prayer, he will probably desist, rather than be the occasion of doing you so much good.”1
I read this bit on a morning when anxious thoughts wouldn’t desist. These words to Ryland were words to me. Each bit has has something to mull over, but I particularly love Newton’s point about running to the Lord with thoughts of anxiety. Dipping my head in shame or trying harder to stop thinking about the thoughts are my go-to responses. But Newton gives no such counsel.
He doesn’t deny or minimize the existence of anxious thoughts. “You have no door to shut them quite out,” he writes plainly, matter-of-factly. Anxious thoughts rise in our minds; that’s part of being human. Don’t get caught up in responses that lead to turning inward instead of to God.
“Run with them to the throne of grace,” he writes. There’s no time for feeling sorry about oneself nor time for figuring out a new way to hack yourself out of anxiety. You’re too busy running to the place where true help rests, and figuring how to handle your thoughts in the presence of the one who can change you.
Running to the throne of grace and committing thoughts to the Lord is a practice taking me time to develop; I’m learning habits to push me toward this way of life.
Memorizing, then praying Psalm 131 at regular intervals is one of them for me, if you’re wondering for ideas about how to apply Newton’s counsel (and weave Scripture into the nooks and crannies of your daily life).
My heart is not proud, Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.
Israel, put your hope in the Lord
both now and forevermore.
—Psalm 131My heart is proud and my eyes are haughty more often than I’d care to share. I make a habit concerning myself with great matters and things to wonderful for me. Though I can absolutely tie my anxiety to physical factors and other dynamics, the fountainhead of my anxiety is often what David describes in that first sentence of Psalm 131.
I’ve taken practical steps the past several months in wisdom to calm and quiet myself;2 this is a wise thing to do because we are creatures in bodies inhabiting this weary world.
Those habits, though useful, are a both movement toward and a response to the God of peace; they are not the peace itself.
Only at the throne of grace have I found the source, the wellspring, the origin of calm and quiet my mind and body craves.
Grant Gordon, ed., Wise Counsel: John Newton’s Letters to John Ryland Jr. (Edinburgh: The Banner of Truth Trust, 2009), 93. Paragraph breaks are mine.
For me, it’s looked like limiting caffeine, Bricking my phone, meeting with at trusted counselor, reciting Scripture at regular intervals, and singing. I’ve only read the first two chapters of Justin Earley’s “The Body Teaches the Soul,” but it speaks well to habit formation, anxiety, and the Christian story.